i thought i had this worry somewhat under control and, somewhat, i do.  but i am awake at 3am, 4 now, so not entirely, i guess.  when the sun comes up i have to call the insurance representative woman to find out the latest news on the insurance scamming woman who is suing me.  i imagine i will be taken for everything i have and, although i am greatly comforted knowing it is crap and that i did nothing wrong (i would be hysterical if i had!) still i’m up in the wee hours.  i did get some sleep, though, so that shows improvement.  and, on some level, i’m aware that i almost welcome this development in a way, as yet another fantasy escape scenario, even though that’s worst case thinking, i know.

the other thing that comes out of it is the awareness of the community that’s fostered here.  i actually hadn’t posted about this for several hours after i found out about it, precisely from “old tapes” kind of thinking (coupled with denial, of course) but then i realized it’s reading everybody’s plights that makes this thing of mine easier to bear, whatever it is, and so i need to put it out there myself, don’t i.  yas.  it’s probably nothing.  or something, but not as bad as i’m imagining.  or something.  i will find out in a few hours what the next step is, anyway.  i’m going to have glass of milk now.

my own next steps are studying and beginning the art job on monday! yeah!