today.  possibly because i have only been able to do my own work in my “time off” for so very long, now whenever i spend a day working on my art, or working up a knitting project, i feel guilty, like I’m goofing off instead of working.  I haven’t gotten it through my head yet that this is what i’m supposed to be doing!  i have set it up so that I can spend this year seeing what i can accomplish and the part time rec job will feed into that, and I must work on art now, it’s what the plan was.  I must stop feeling guilty doing it, it’s what i’m supposed to be doing.  instead i waste brain cells worrying that i’m not bringing in money, i’m not making enough to live on yet.  I’m supposed to be making things, not money!  Not just now, anyway. how can i convince myself of this?

R. came to the knitting group today and i was able to tell her about my new job.  of course, my mind says, r. is wealthy, she doesn’t know otherwise, but is that the case, that she doesn’t know?  does that make what she tells me incorrect?  they’re all wealthy.  does that make any difference?  that pedestrian view of money again.