no sooner do i call in and leave my notice on the voicemail--there seems to be no other way to get in touch--at the rec dept job, and then spend an evening with friends at the yarn studio, the first in many months, than on the way home i discover that the check engine light is on in my car.  and tomorrow i have to drive 25 miles into the country to get to my second school.  what to do?

i give up.  i’d already decided i will just live in debt for the rest of my life, but i can’t continue living this 15 hour workday, three hour sleep shift cycle at my age (or any age.) now i have to figure out what to do about this thing.  i’m fairly well sure, which means i suspect, that it is a faulty light, as the fuel empty indicator, which seems to be in much the same place on the console, has been stuck on for a couple of weeks even though i don’t let the fuel get down below half.  in the owner’s manual it says that the check engine light is also the malfunction indicator for the fuel gauge if you ignore the fuel empty indicator for some reason and actually do run out of gas, so i think it’s that the thing thinks i’m out of gas somehow when i’m not.  the car runs fine.  but i don’t know that and i have to get it fixed, have to take it into the dealership, it says.

so i give up. i can’t figure out what else to do but take it into the dealership tomorrow morning and call the school and tell them i’m sorry but i’ll be there as soon as i can.  we do get personal days, after all, although i hadn’t intended on taking any my first year, much less right after my one-month anniversary, but there it is.  and, of course, you’re supposed to arrange for them with a sub, but i couldn’t have arranged for this.  i don’t really know what else to do, except drive out there anyway, but i would probably die of anxiety on the highway wondering if i could make it, and it still wouldn’t be fixed.  if i had margaret’s phone number, i could call her for a ride, but i don’t have it.  so i guess i’m just going to have to give up and call the school at 7 tomorrow on the way into the dealership.

i give.  i can’t do any more, i’m running myself into the ground.  i’ve quit the extra job and so things will get better now, rapidly, but i hope that i don’t rack up any more debt with this car thing somehow.  if i do, i do.  they won’t fire me for an emergency, i don’t think.

oh, and my first teaching observation appointment is tuesday afternoon, at the other school.  sigh.  why me?  of course, the way to look at it is really how lucky it didn’t happen, whatever it is, when i was unemployed, that would be so much worse.  i’m just going to have to deal with it is all. i’m sorry, school. i’ve never had any problem with this car, this is a first.  the check engine light.  who knew?