maybe next week i will paint.  i haven’t done that in a very long time, mostly because i haven’t given myself permission to do.  but next week i don’t have to work until 3pm from monday through wednesday.  i have some errand things to get out of the way (like the substitute office, for instance--the tutee never called back, of course) but other than that?  would it be wise to see what i can do to make art?  i have so many other things that need to get done, but maybe… maybe it would be a good thing, would be what i need?

i went to the knit shop today and sat with friends for 5 hours, pretty much finished a shawl.  then 5 hours at nola, with three customers.  sigh.  this blue-collar existence is, above all, tremendously boring.  just sitting and sitting, the wireless went out and so just sitting.  knitting.  the assistant manager from the walgreens next door came in looking for a computer so he could look in the county jail to see if his girlfriend’s ex, who didn’t get home last night, was in jail (and he was.) the light was nice slanting in the windows, i pretended i really was in the real nola.  but all in all, i’m really having to work at reminding myself that this is just another bizarre anomalous waiting period in my life, like i’ve had before, that it isn’t the rest of my life, which i get scared that it actually is.  i can’t let that be, i’m only half way through, after all!  surely it can’t all have come down only to this?  naaaah...only the halfway point.

spend a lot of time lately watching all of jack’s films, speaking of which.  all of them are freely and immediately available on the web now.  what can that mean, there they are, all of them, there they are.  i have them all downloaded into semele, i can watch them on picasa.  what would it have meant if he had hung on, anything?