i always get doomy when i get sick, or when i am getting sick, and i don’t believe i am sick.  i always burn out like a cranky child and have had to learn to keep myself in check in order not to do or say something equally inappropriate thereby shooting myself in the nearest appendage.  then, i always worry and worry about being sick, worry that “they” will be mad at me, worry that by not fulfilling whatever obligation is oppressing me precisely because i AM sick, i am Destroying My Life and it will be All My Own Fault.  When all it is is i have the flu or something and this is how it manifests, when i am awake.  take the damned day off and be done with it.  I can miss the class.  who will care in 50 years?  i am burning myself out and worrying about burning myself out worrying.

my head hurts; if it doesn’t improve considerably, this illness, i’m taking TOMORROW off, too.  and i’ll worry about that, of course; i always do.