i’m no longer going to suffer telephone fools, gladly or otherwise.  when i forget and pick up the phone when it rings (i have an answering machine now, but sometimes i decide, usually wrongly, that i should pick the damned thing up anyway) invariably it is someone whom i don’t know, yet is still deficient enough in phone manners to, simply because they want to speak with me, demand “is this (my name, often mangled unrecognizably)”; may i help you, i chirp?; “is this (my name, often mangled unrecognizably)”; may i HELP you, i warble; “is this (my name, often mangled unrecognizably)”; i’ve asked you politely three times if i may help you, if you don’t respond to that i won’t help you; “but is this” and i hang up.

suckers, YOU called ME.  YOU call ME and demand i identify myself??  if you think you can demand information of any sort without even identifying yourself, just forget about it.  i don’t care what you want, you aren’t getting it from me. straighten up, i don’t owe you anything just because you called.  if you’re calling to give me a bimillion dollars, i don’t want it from the likes of you.  if i happen to run into whoever you are tomorrow and you tell me you tried to call me, i will spare your feelings and pretend i wasn’t home.  i never pick up my phone anyway.

this is MY life now and i’m playing it the way i want for once.